madavison

What motivates you to learn and to grow?
(“The Daily Question”, gratefulness.org. 1/31/21)

Question. Experience. Reflection. Relationship.

There was so much happening. I was trying to take in all the moments.  I spotted my family several rows up from the floor.  Chancellor Tucker was talking about what it means to be a graduate of TCU. This idea, more a paraphrase than direct quote, is all I remember. “You’ve been educated to consult many sources, to weigh the validity of the information from those sources, and to ask quality questions.”

Experience can be a great teacher.  Maybe it is the best teacher. If you want to be the best version or better version of yourself, pay attention to the experiences that help you become the better you. There is an entire market of “stuff,” genre of self-help, and virtual selling of experience.  There are vacations, trips, and camps.  I think we all have an experience that help’s us remember the best version of ourselves when times are hard, tragic, and especially when a moment is nuanced.

Self reflection is necessary.  It is not always easy, but necessary. As a child, youth, and even in early adulthood, I never had a good answer for my parent’s favorite question, “Why did you do that?”  Like many, I often just fell back on, “I don’t know.” even when I did know and didn’t want to admit it.  My mother’s response, “Go to you room and think about what you did and how you will behave differently next time while your dad and I decide the best consequence.”  She meant punishment. Once I reached junior high, I was expected to have an answer for the “why” when I emerged from my room to demonstrate that I had thought about my actions. That is when the dialogue about my actions began as well as dispensing of consequences.  You never get asked, “Why did you do that?” about the good decisions.  Now, why is that.

Stranded alone on a desert island, Chuck (Tom Hanks), opens a box that washed up on the beach. It contains a soccer ball.  Wilson, the brand of ball and name Chuck gives him, becomes his friend.  Wilson helps Chuck cope with the isolation. In a moment of confrontation, Wilson helps Chuck decide to leave the island for the sea and risk death to be found. But, they and may never being found.  Chuck’s wears a pocket watch around his neck. A photo of his fiancé is inside.  A relationship can comfort, challenge, create stress, suffocate, be mutual or one-sided.  Some relationships are good.  Some detrimental. Do you have one or two “good” relationships?  A friend, companion, or community.

When Ash Wednesday arrives later this month (Feb 17th), thus begins a ritual journey that Christianity calls Lent. It can be a time of growth.  First time growth or renewed growth.  Join the Regional Youth Council for questions and reflection about experience and relationship on this ritual journey that disciples take following Jesus to Jerusalem.  The RYC Lent devotional can be downloaded on February 15th here on the Region’s website.

Think back through the last couple of days.  Watch with your mind’s eye.

Rewind the tape all the way back to getting out of bed.

Remember . . .

Your morning routine;
school or work or waiting;
The places you’ve been;
The things you saw;
The people you talked to;
and then;
home, dinner, what you watched or read;
Your evening routine and to bed.

Look back and find that moment when you experienced hope.
Bring that moment to the front of your mind.
Who is there? What does it sound or smell like?
Stay in the moment for a few minutes.

Look back and find that moment when you experienced peace.
Bring that moment to the front of your mind.
Who is there? What does it sound or smell like?
Stay in the moment for a few minutes.

Look back and find that moment when you experienced joy.
Bring that moment to the front of your mind.
Who is there? What does it sound or smell like?
Stay in the moment for a few minutes.

Look back and find that moment when you experienced love.
Bring that moment to the front of your mind.
Who is there? What does it sound or smell like?
Stay in the moment for a few minutes.

Pandemic time has stretched moments into a pace that makes me uncomfortable or out of control.

Pandemic time: moments to grieve, moments to savor, and moments to examen.

This Advent there is anticipation of life as we knew it before.
Is that what Advent is really all about?

Who can say if Advent will change me for the better.
Maybe, it is being changed by the moments for good.

“Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
(A quote from Ferris in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” John Hughes (Paramount Pictures) 1986)

Forward motion is possible if we can extend the sentence to, “That’s not what I meant, but that must be what you heard, how do we fix this? Will you help me make things right again?”

[Seth Godin, “That’s not what I meant.” October 22, 2020]

The question is, “What does ‘right’ mean given the situation?”

Do you remember a specific part of a single day like it happened yesterday?  I don’t remember much about the day my father drove me to TCU for the first time to move into the dorm.  But, I do remember this: after putting the last of my stuff into the backseat I went back into the house to say goodbye to my mother.  My dad was in the kitchen with her.  Mom hugged me and then pushed me back to arms length and looked me in the eyes.  “We’ve raised you to know the difference between right and wrong.  We raised you to think before you act. We know you are going to make mistakes.  We know you are not going to embarrass us.  Go live your life and call us if you think we can help.”  In the car my father said, “Ready to go.”  “Yes sir.” I responded. That was all we said the first 30 minutes of the 90 minute trip to TCU.

The systems that we participate in every day often limit our choices to do what is right because it is right.  Look at the labels in your clothing.  Then do an Internet search about where those clothes are made.  You are going to find out that much of what you are wearing is made in a country where people are paid poorly, by our standards and theirs, and it is possible that child labor was used to make your clothes.  The same is true with the little computers we call smart phones.  But, that is still our responsibility.  I could choose to pay more for something else.

Most often we do what is right because we are afraid of the consequences that will come from breaking the communal rules set out to ensure we balance our individualism with the common good for community.  I prefer guidelines to rules, because guidelines provide the necessary boundaries for community, and rules, well some rules need to be broken.  But, that’s a topic for another day.

Every now and then, the communal rules get questioned.  They are put through a wash and rinse cycle, and new rules emerge based on historical lessons, clearer facts, better data, and lived experience.  The common good for all of us gets redefined to include more of us.  Sometimes that means some of us give up privileges that are real, or simply imagined, because of where we were born or into what circumstance we were born.  The Constitution of these United States begins, “In order to form a more perfect Union” and goes on to detail the actions taken by men seeking a freedom not experienced in another place and time.  These deists, many of them, embodied the moral compass of their time based on their education and their culture. They were doing the best they could with the most current information they had while thinking about the future.  Can the same be said of our citizens today and those that govern?

Followers of Jesus are supposed to be “Greatest Commandment” people.  Aren’t we?  A secular Nation might call us to be “Golden Rule” people beyond our places of worship, which should not be a heavy lift for Christians.  Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost the ability to be shamed to do the right thing (a great Spike Lee movie).  Shame is not the greatest motivator, but Jesus used it at least once, “If you are without sin, cast the first stone.”

Who gets to define what is “right?”  How does my definition exclude you or include you?  This year, more than most, my mother’s voice echoes, “You’ve been taught to know the difference between right and wrong.”  I’ve got so many lessons ahead of me.