CCOK301

Years ago, as a late elementary/early junior high kid, I found sanctuary in the church. I had never known a time when I hadn’t been in church, but during this particular season of life, I was especially grateful for those adults and friends in my church community and youth group. My life was going a little sideways, it felt, and nothing was in my control. But the church was there. Steadfast. Intentional. Safe. In my work as a minister with young people, my theology of ministry has always been to provide this kind of safe and nurturing environment where youth and children can grow, ask questions, and find the ways in which they want to love God and love others.

What was integral in my church experience growing up was not great programs. It was not flashy, expensive events that were modeled after the “big” church in town. What was at the root of my church experience was relationships. Yes, we had some terrific programs: lock-ins, games, and trips. But these were all rooted in relationships—positive, safe, welcoming, and caring relationships. In their article in Flourish: A Journal of Progressive Ministry (No. 1, 2025), Dr. Hannah Evans, Marte Aboagye, and Dr. Angela Patterson write about “the relational roots of what works in youth ministry.” In a time when so many youth ministers and directors are pressured to focus on numbers and sizes of programs, these three women discovered that, “What primarily drew young people to the programs they were involved in centered on the ways that leaders facilitated connection in those spaces, rather than the types of programming offered.” What emerged from their conversations with youth were five areas that were most important to have in a youth group: adaptability, fun, purpose, inclusivity, and integrity.

How can your congregation cook up recipes using these ingredients in your youth and children’s ministries so that the young people will not only want to attend, but will stay connected to the church? Let’s take a look!

Adaptability

Being flexible and able to adapt to the needs of youth is key. At the heart of adaptability, though, is knowing what those needs of youth are. The authors’ site visits of youth groups “showed that [adaptability] requires listening carefully to those being served, offering activities that best support spiritual growth, and being willing to pivot when selected approaches don’t work.” The first ingredient in firming up a solid relational youth and children’s ministry? Listening to youth and children! Be interested in their lives. Listen without being judgmental. Once that door is open, youth will continue to walk through it to share the highs and lows of their life.

Fun

The authors also discovered that what youth found fun was connecting to others. Youth enjoy connecting with others—through games, activities, and just having a space to laugh and be silly. Do your youth and children’s ministries know how to play? If the shortest distance between two people is a smile, imagine the connections laughter and joy will provide!

Purpose

If you remember back to when you were a teenager, tween, or child, you probably can recall trying to figure out who you were. Who did God create you to be? That is what the children and youth in our congregations are experiencing, as well. The youth and children’s ministries that are meaningful to young people provide a space for this discovery, a space that the young people themselves have helped form. Such youth and children’s ministries “listen to young people and give them opportunities to have ownership in the direction and future choices of the group.” The ministry provided isn’t that of the church board or staff—it is ministry with and of youth and children. They feel seen when they have ownership. A dash of this goes a long way in forming solid relationships between young people and the church.

Inclusivity

Churches who are generous with this ingredient are ones that youth flock to. The authors write, “Insights from the youth ministry leaders we interviewed suggest that to have inclusivity is to first ensure that [the ministry] is a safe space and then ensure that everyone has a [place].” Have we honestly assessed if youth feel safe at our ministries? Are they greeted with a smile when they arrive? Do leaders respect the youth enough not to communicate with sarcasm and “jokes” that the youth never seem to respond to? Knowing you won’t be made fun of because you decided to wear a certain band’s tee shirt to youth group, for example, seems small but it is mighty important to teenagers.

Integrity

Finally, top all of this off with integrity, and you are cooking with sunshine! Being honest about who you are as a leader (with healthy boundaries, of course!) is a gift to youth and children. Knowing that adults are not perfect, that we struggle with theological issues, that there are people we struggle to love, that we have shared music or movie tastes…these are all great ways to connect with young people.

Being a child, tween, and teen is difficult. Biologically and psychologically it can feel like everything is out of whack. (And often, it totally is!) Knowing that a congregation has put the time into cooking up a safe, fun, and authentic ministry where youth are not only seen, but heard and respected, is something that youth will want to learn more about. What relational dish can your congregation provide that will feed the youth and children of the congregation and community? What ingredients do we have on hand and which ones do we need to nurture and develop? How can we go beyond programs to cultivate youth and children’s ministries that are rooted in community, love, and relationships?

With gratitude for the ways Oklahoma Disciples offer youth and children a place at the table,

Rev. Shannon Cook